I can only imagine that maybe you feel a little like this …

But I hope that you’ll soon find healing and calm …

and new beginnings …

A unique case of adoption

From through the looking glass, we have an article from the Korean JoongAng Daily about an ethnic Indonesian girl born in Korea and adopted by a Korean couple. Read it and weep.

A Korean family faced opposition from their own church when they decided to adopt an Indonesian girl abandoned by her biological parents.

April 10, 2008

	Lee Ha-young (fore) and her adoptive parents Lee Young-mo and Ha Kyoung-ae at the Presbyterian church near Daegu where Lee is the pastor. By Jeong Chi-ho

DAEGU — Lee Ha-young, 10, had been crying.

“A few boys at Ha-young’s hagwon [private academy] call her names like ‘African,’” said Ha-young’s mother, Ha Kyoung-ae, 52, as she gently brushed her daughter’s fringe off her forehead. “I’m thinking of making a complaint tomorrow.”

Ha-young lowered her eyes and didn’t say much. She just clung to her mother.

She’s been teased before about her dark skin, and she still gets upset, even though she’s been aware that she looks different from the rest of the kids in the neighborhood for as long as she can remember.
“When she was much younger she would fight girls or even boys who would make fun of her because of her different skin color,” said Lee Young-mo, 54, the girl’s father.

“But as she got older and the boys her age got stronger she became more timid and held her sorrow within herself,” Lee added.

The parents said seeing their daughter struggling to cope with the teasing breaks their hearts, especially when she used to put on cosmetics to make herself look less dark.

She doesn’t do that anymore; she’s just like any other Korean child. She loves the K-pop girl band Wonder Girls and TV cartoons.

The only difference is that her biological parents are Indonesian. They were illegal workers in Daegu when they discovered they were going to have a baby.

According to Lee, they met at a center for illegal foreign workers run by Daegu Sungmyung Presbyterian Church.

“Working in a foreign land for three years, they probably found comfort in each other although they were both married to others,” said Lee. “Under Islamic law, if two people commit adultery, they face the death penalty,” Lee added.

Lee said he heard that the biological mother wanted to raise the child, but the biological father refused.

“The first time I saw the child wrapped in a blanket I knew immediately that I had to have her,” said Ha. The prospective parents met Ha-young at a church meeting to decide what to do with the little girl after her biological parents decided to give her up for adoption.

“It wasn’t like we were looking to adopt a child, particularly of foreign origin,” said Ha. She and her husband have two biological children of their own.

Adoption has been a thorny issue in Korea for many years, as the country is one of the top sources of children to other countries. According to World Partners Adoption Inc., a nonprofit organization, Korea ranked fourth in the world as of 2006 in sending children for international adoption with 1,376 children, behind China (6,493), Guatemala (4,135) and Russia (3,706). The Korean government, though, disputes the figure for Korea, putting it at 1,899.

However, the story is different now. According to the Ministry for Health, Welfare and Family Affairs, for the first time in Korea domestic adoption by families in Korea (1,388 children) has exceeded international adoptions (1,264).

This represents a fundamental shift in attitude. Korea, as a Confucian-heritage nation, places a great deal of importance on bloodlines, especially having sons.

But cases of high-profile celebrities adopting have spotlighted the issue. The actor Cha In-pyo has adopted two children, to add to his biological child; the actress Yoon Suk-hwa, two; and the comedienne Lee Ok-ju, one.

Economics and recent empowerment of women in Korea have fueled this social change. “To raise adopted children, the family has to achieve a certain economic stability,” said Park Geum-yeol at the Ministry for Health, Welfare and Family. “Many Korean families are better off than before, and we believe the number of adoptions in Korean homes has gone up as well.”

The government has even designated an Adoption Day, which falls on May 11, to raise awareness and encourage Korean families to adopt Korean kids.

However, Ha-young’s case is exceptionally rare.

Although Korea has 20 adoption institutions, including the oldest, Holt Children’s Services, none deal with Korean families adopting kids from overseas.

The government does not track adoption of foreign children in Korea.

“We monitor children who are either lost or whose parents have intentionally given up [their children],” said Park. “Children who are adopted through other means, like agreements between the biological and the adopting parents, are not monitored.”

The Mission to Promote Adoption in Korea said it receives the occasional inquiry about adopting foreign children. In fact, they received such a call last week.

Han Youn-hee, an executive at the adoption agency, said more non-Korean children are born in Korea each year due to the huge influx of legal and illegal foreign workers.

	Lee Ha-young . By Jeong Chi-ho

“Over the years we have received calls asking about the adoption of foreign children,” said Han. “However, it is almost impossible to adopt a foreign child here legally, regardless of whether that child was born here or not.”

Han said adopting foreign children involves high-level agreements between Korea and the home country of the child involved.

“Koreans should be allowed to legally adopt foreign children,” said Han.

“If we value life, the parents’ origin should not be an issue. Children born and raised in this country are all very similar, no matter the race.”

As for Ha-young, she was only two months old when she met her adoptive parents.

Lee was a pastor at a church in Goryeong County in North Gyeongsang for 10 years when the couple met the baby girl.

The couple was attending a weekly meeting of North Gyeongsang pastors and spouses when Ha-young’s future was under discussion. Another Korean family had planned to adopt her, but the arrangement fell through at the final moment.

When Ha-young was born she weighed only 1.9 kilograms. Ha heard that the biological mother bound her stomach to avoid looking pregnant, which may have caused her premature birth.

“She was very tiny and skinny and you could see her ribs through her thin skin,” said Ha.

When the couple went to the Daegu local government to ask about adopting a foreign child, they were told that the process would take at least six months and that Ha-young would have to be institutionalized.

“I thought Ha-young could be harmed and stressed if she were placed in an institution for such a long period, so we decided to register her as if my wife physically gave birth to her,” said Lee.

This was a very easy process, surprisingly. “The public servant didn’t even look at Ha-young’s picture and accepted what was written on the paper,” said Lee.

By law, Ha-young is now the birth child of Ha and her husband, and by nationality she is Korean.

“She may have not been born from my womb but she was given birth from my heart,” said Ha.

Although the girl’s new Korean mother was excited about having a daughter, the father was concerned.
“He was worried that some of the people at church would oppose the adoption of a foreign child,” said Ha.

The worries came true and one church elder strongly objected. The Lees had to move out and find another church to begin their life with their newly adopted daughter.

They settled in Gachang County near Daegu. Since then, Lee has been managing a small church called Gachang Jaeil Presbyterian Church. Their monthly income has been halved, but the couple said they aren’t worried because they have found a new gift, an angel.

“She’s what I think about all the time,” said Lee.

The biggest obstacle the family faces, however, does not come within the family, but from outside. The prejudice that is still deeply rooted in this homogeneous country has disturbed Ha and Lee.

“When I walk with my daughter to a public bath or visit the supermarket, I hear people whisper ‘She must be living with a Filipino,’ or they stare at us with unpleasant looks,” said Ha.

The girl’s father said people look at his family strangely when the three of them walk together. Only when he tells people that Ha-young was adopted will people nod as if they understand.

“I never had any prejudice against foreign people whether they have dark or light skin,” said Ha. “It really hurts when people look at us with such prejudice.”

Lee is highly critical of Korea for its apparent inability to move on. “People talk about globalization but the truth is nothing has changed and Korea still relies heavily on homogeneous bloodlines,” Lee said. “How can we advance and compete in the world with such backward prejudices?”

In the eyes of her parents, Ha-young is no different from any other child. But they have to deal with issues that no parent would wish to confront.

“When Ha-young was about 6, she disappeared one night and I found her hiding under the desk in her room,” Ha explained. “She looked at me and asked ‘Where do I come from?’ I was startled and the question sharply pained me. She then asked me ‘Where’s Indonesia?’”

Ha said she had been preparing for a moment like this, but she still found the situation very difficult.
Ha-young now accepts who she is but she doesn’t ever want to go to Indonesia.

“I may not be teased because of my skin color [there] but I don’t want to leave behind my family and friends who have given me so much,” Ha-young said.

She is also afraid she might meet her biological parents.

Her adoptive parents have pictures of her biological parents, but Ha-young is still troubled by a question that stays with many children who are given up for adoption: How could the biological parents ever abandon their child?

When it was time to depart, Ha-young waved goodbye and called out, “Please come visit us again.”

Her accent is pure Daegu.

By Lee Ho-jeong Staff Reporter [ojlee82@joongang.co.kr]

So lots of you probably already know I have a weakness for kitties. I swear I am not a feline fetishist, I swear, but I’ve got a very soft, mushy spot for cats. I mean, every time I see a cute lil’ kitten languishing behind glass in the pet store, I just want to adopt me another kitty cat.

*evil smirk*

So today I got a good chuckle, then a pause, then a grimace, then a shrug, then an eye-roll and lastly another mischievous cackle out of this e-mail that I received from a local animal shelter where the yobo & I found our very own “forever felines” a few years ago:

Kitten season is here and [our shelter] is looking for foster parents for our kittens. And mom’s with kittens.

[photos of irresistible homeless urchin kittens]

Do you have a little extra space in your home, a bit of free time, and some love to share? If so, consider becoming a foster parent for a kitten, a litter of kittens or a mom with her babies. With the arrival of “kitten season” in early spring, animal shelters and rescue organizations are flooded with kittens who cannot be put up for adoption until they are of the right age to be spayed/neutered and in good health, including [our shelter]. We really rely on the assistance of volunteer foster parents to save lives by providing temporary care.

Not only does becoming a volunteer foster parent help us, it can be great for you, too. Perhaps you are considering adopting, but aren’t sure if a kitten is right for you. Maybe you travel, and can’t have a “permanent” pet. Or maybe you just want to experience the joy of kittens again and again.

Whatever your reason, you are sure to find that fostering is one of the most rewarding volunteer experiences there is. You’ll be amazed at how much you learn and how gratifying it is to see the kittens grow and develop under your care.

We also looking for foster families for our special needs cats or cats who have had to have any type of surgery and need time and love to heal.

Or if you know of someone who might like to foster please pass this along, THANKS…!

Also we just wanted to share with you a few of our older cats looking for their forever homes…

[photos & bios of more mature orphan-cats]

I mean, OK, I know they are a pet shelter, and are not shopping a bunch of kids around as fosters/temporary kids, but still. This was pretty damn close to a lot of the language I read in foster & adoption “marketing” literature. Which shouldn’t make me laugh, but considering this is about cats, and the way the experience of fostering kittens is touted as rewarding for the “foster parent,” who can save cat lives and experience the joy of kittens, etc. etc. …

Heh.

Meow.

By now I’m sure you’ve all heard about the (adoptive) father in Iowa City who murdered his four children, all of whom were Korean adoptees, and his wife before killing himself. The Des Moines Register has more details on the incredibly, horribly tragic killings and what lengths the murderer, Steven Sueppel, went to, to kill his family before robbing everyone of justice by taking his own life.

The first news of the story was shocking enough to hear about — the murders of four young children and their mother, committed by the father — in the state where I grew up, and in a town where I lived for five years. I consulted Google Maps to map the Sueppels’ home so my brain could better accept the reality of this horrific thing that had happened, using my former residence as a visual reference point.

Then when the family photograph was published, along with the detail that all four children were adopted from Korea, the story cut even deeper. I can’t even bear to look at the photograph and see those kids’ faces. It’s as if they are relation — which, in a very real way, they are.

I also want to kick some Holt ass for the “policies” and insinuations expressed in this article. So, it’s for the good of the mothers, who are supposedly off getting their “fresh starts,” that they won’t be informed that the adoptive father of their children has murdered them? Holt has no responsibility to tell these women — and instead it’s up to them, whether they want to check in periodically to see if their children are, oh, I don’t know, still alive? F that.

And while we are on the topic of Holt, F this, too:

The Holt service … said the American couple were well qualified to adopt foreign children in terms of their finances and relationship. The father was a banker and the mother an elementary school teacher, and they went to church. …

“The Holt International’s after-adoption reports show the couple had no problem, they were raising children well. The mother even sent us pictures of the children, from which we thought they are considerate people,” [Holt overseas adoption director] Hong said.

Right.

I am not a religious person, but I don’t think you have to be, to hope that Steven Sueppel burns eternally in a broiling-hot hell and that Eleanor, Mira, Seth, Ethan and mom Sheryl have gone on to find peace in another place.

* * * * *

And in other news, 8 inches of snow is expected to fall today & tonight in the Twin Cities, another former city of residence of mine.

Tragedy in one former hometown, murder in another. Condolences to all. *sigh*

As I read this article, about a Korean adoptee who is a dancer on tour with Celine Dion returning to Korea for the first time, the part about how she first tasted kimchi — and how it seemed to trigger her questions and curiosity about her identity and Korean heritage — hit home for me.

It was much the same for me, too.

Not the world-tours-with-music-divas part.

I mean, the kimchi.

My tongue didn’t make first contact with Korean cuisine until adulthood. I was about 21 or 22 when I tasted kimchi and bulgogi for the first time as I dined at a combination Korean-Japanese restaurant one block from my apartment, with a hapa-Japanese friend. (Double-whammy: It was my first encounter with sushi as well.)

And I didn’t love it. Not the first time. I remember trying to act nonchalant about the whole thing. Sure, sure, I’d eat the kimchi. No problem. (Ouch, my sinuses!)

I really didn’t love it. Yet there was something provocative and visceral about it that I couldn’t put my finger on, like a scent or a strain of music that your memory can’t quite place, or maybe the muscle memory of a lost extremity.

I wonder, if I had declined that invitation to meet my friend, who lived just across the street from me, and never walked over to that restaurant, would I still be where I am today? Would I still have unlocked that part of me that was drawn, as if by magnetic force, back to Korea, to search, to be reunited? Would I have made the strong circles of fellow adoptee friends who now support me and nourish my life on a daily basis? Would I still be a closeted Asian, laboring to be accepted and embraced as no more, no less than all-American, and-I’ll-thank-you-very-much-to-not-ask-stupid-questions?

I don’t know. I’d like to think that something else would have elicited the ensuing slow tidal shift of exploration (of self, of past) that crept up on me, like the gradual melting of ice caps, rather than rushing in like a tsunami. But I really don’t know.

Today I eat Korean food at least once a week. Half the top shelf of our fridge is occupied by a motley assortment of kimchi jars of varying vintage and variety.

Strange now — or not strange at all — that most of my close friends are like me, ethnically Korean, transplanted by adoption.

Strange back then, that for the first time out on my own as a young adult, I ended up living one block from one of the two Korean restaurants and adjacent Korean groceries in the entire city. (Perhaps stranger, still, that the other Korean restaurant & grocer was an extra 1/2-block away …) And I had walked past them every day, twice — once to campus, once back. So many times I had peered in through the window, too intimidated and too resolute to allow myself to feel curious. I had walked on by, ignoring the tiny voice inside me that said, “Go in.”

“Just go in and have a look around.”

But I didn’t.

It makes me a little angry at my past-self. What was I waiting for — a personal invitation?

Or just a little more time?

* * * *

I’d love to hear from fellow transcultural, transnational adoptees: Can you identify a “trigger” experience or experiences that prompted curiosity about your identity/heritage?

Few things give me a deeper sense of pride, respect and admiration than seeing fellow trans- (-cultural, -racial, -national) adoptees put their heads together, organize, and do amazing things within our communities and subcommunities. Hats off to three fantastic Vietnamese adoptee writer-blogger-artist-activists for launching this new collaborative blog, Misplaced Baggage.

(Yoinked from Sume’s blog)

The first of its kind, Misplaced Baggage is the collaborative effort of three Vietnamese adult adoptees from diverse backgrounds. We were brought together through our interest in contributing to the Vietnamese adoptee community. Noticing a lack of critical representation, we came together to offer an alternate perspective on Vietnamese adoptee history and experience.

The title Misplaced Baggage is the brainchild of Anh Ðào Kolbe. Although it may hold a different meaning for each of us, collectively it represents our transient existence and the uncertainty through which we navigate.

Bravo to you three for using your talents and perspectives to give new shape to an underrepresented dimension of the dialogue on Vietnamese adoption. May you inspire many more to do the same.

10,000 B.C. (Blows chunks?)

Takes enough liberties to make any historian’s head spin completely off (or any thinking person’s for that matter). And hey, didn’t “300″ already fill this decade’s quotas for spear-thrusting scenes and racially ambiguous casting of brown and brownish actors and creepy dudes with cataracts?

First off, you know, I am finding it harder and harder to suspend disbelief with these kinds of films, where the swarthy, dreadlocked natives with startlingly good dental care all magically speak American English with the kinds of inconsistent pseudo-British accents I’d imagine that 14-year-old role-players use in basements across the country. (Not that there’s anything wrong with THAT. Just saying.)

Don’t even get me started on the blue-eyed messiah/light-skinned deliverer theme. Bah. This film isn’t worth the time it would take to slog through for the purposes of deconstructing. On the other hand, if someone else feels up to defending its cinematic merits, please, by all means, feel free to pull up a rock and start grunting.

The bottom line is, I can’t even say that it was at the very least entertaining, or visually engaging, like “300″ was. The most believable characters of the entire 2 hours were the CGI mammoths, and even they could have used some acting lessons.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Contact: Korean Adoptees of Hawai’i, info@KAHawaii.org

ASIAN ADULT ADOPTEES INVITED TO HAWAI’I THIS AUTUMN
International Guests to Gather and Screen Adoptee-Made Films in Honolulu

Adult adoptees of pan-Asian origins and ethnic backgrounds are invited to Honolulu, Hawai’i, to participate in the Asian Adult Adoptee Gathering & Film Festival, Oct. 10-13, 2008, hosted by Korean Adoptees of Hawai’i (KAHI).

The Asian Adult Adoptee Gathering will offer conference sessions and workshops, cultural and recreational activities, and the first-ever Asian Adoptee Film Festival, featuring films written, produced or directed by Asian adoptee filmmakers.

The Asian Adult Adoptee Gathering and Film Festival represents a convergence of the range of experiences – from the unique to the unifying – found among the diverse diaspora and global community of adoptees of Asian descent. The Gathering and Film Festival are expected to draw 200 or more visitors from Hawai’i and the mainland United States, and such international locations as Sweden, Denmark, Australia and South Korea.

Online registration for the Asian Adult Adoptee Gathering is scheduled to begin in May on KAHI’s website. Participants will qualify for discounted hotel accommodations at the Hawaii Prince Hotel Waikiki, a deluxe oceanfront property situated at the gateway to Waikiki and across from world-class shopping at Ala Moana Center. Interested individuals should contact KAHI at info@KAHawaii.org for information regarding registration, hotel reservations and conference session proposals.

The event is based on the tradition previously established by the international gatherings of transnationally adopted Koreans, held since 1999 in locations including Seoul, Oslo and Washington, D.C., and smaller-scale gatherings in U.S. cities such as New York, Las Vegas, Seattle, San Francisco, Chicago and Minneapolis. The Hawai’i event this October is open not only to Korean adoptees, but to adopted adults of all Asian and mixed Asian ethnic backgrounds, age 18 or older, as well as adoptees’ partners and children.

KAHI will also welcome members of the general public to the film festival, which will showcase a unique aspect of the Asian immigrant experience that has been underrepresented in the mainstream and even art-house film circuits. Screenings will primarily be held at the Doris Duke Theatre at the Honolulu Academy of Arts on Saturday, Oct. 11, 2008. The Doris Duke Theatre will manage ticketing for this special event this autumn.

Submissions of original films addressing the theme of adoption that are directed, written or produced by adult Asian adoptees, are still being accepted for consideration. Filmmakers should e-mail info@KAHawaii.org for festival submission guidelines. Entries must be received no later than March 30, 2008.

Businesses, organizations and individuals interested in supporting the Asian Adult Adoptee Gathering and Film Festival are invited to contact KAHI for further information.

* * *

Korean Adoptees of Hawai’i, Inc. (KAHI), is a nonprofit organization founded upon the experiences of adult Korean adoptees, working to build a supportive community in Hawai’i through public outreach, networking, education and sharing resources. KAHI believes in fostering awareness about adoption and identity, recognizing that we, as a community, can extend our reach beyond what we can accomplish individually.